Good Bye 2012, Hello 2013...

I would like to recap 2012 but I think that would be impossible with all the strides I have taken and even setbacks I have encountered. E.D. has still tagged along this year with me. I am unable to find the courage to fully divorce him from my life. E.D. is a stubborn one I tell you.

In the past year, I faced some of my past trauma and even participated in a trauma group. I was able to sit with some of my emotions, fears, and anger around the events. Eventually, the trauma group became a little too overwhelming. I knew my limits that I had to protect myself from E.D. behaviors that were about to emerge if I continued to push myself. I took a step back and tried to decipher from the past and reality of life now. Remembering I was not a poor, little helpless victim anymore is probably one of the toughest parts of recovery. Telling myself numerous times that I am a courageous, strong survivor is foreign territory to me. But with much practice and hope, I continue to try my hardest to remind myself of the present.

I hit other bumps in the road along the way, such as changing therapists. Changes in rigid ways for E.D. can be very scary and overwhelming. I struggled with finding, trusting, and allowing someone else new into my life. I finally found a great therapist that was willing to take on the life of Ariane. A therapist with great resources and is completely dedicated to her work. She has helped me re-instill hope in my recovery and reach out to other resources in the area to fight E.D.

I was faced with major illness this year that really was an eye-opener. Anorexia (any eating disorder) can lead to many health complications and be deadly too. I was numbing out of reality. I was focusing on others and not caring for number one. I fell off the band wagon and hit a bump in the road. With the support of my providers, family, friends, and blogging I was able to get back on track. I gained a new perspective on myself and my life separate from E.D. As a result, I started to be true to myself and wanted to help others who struggle. I began a new journey with the initiation of a blog, with the hope of being published someday.

It has been an especially true blessing this past year. All the support from my family, friends and all my blogger readers has truly inspired hope in my path. I am rediscovering myself and truly allowing myself to live my life.

Thank you everyone for all the support! Happy New Year!!!

                                                                                                     -A.N.T.