Blaming Culture and Society?!?!

     Does the everyday life of a supermodel or a celebrity cause an eating disorder? What are your thoughts? Does society influence a certain person whose is susceptible to developing an eating disorder (E.D.) to progress into one? I once asked myself the same question, "Is an eating disorder the urge to be perfect or influenced by the media to develop?" As a person who struggles with everyday life and with an eating disorder, I say, "no!" So what does then cause an eating disorder you may ask? With each individual, it varies. There are several factors and not just one cause and event that causes an E.D.

    First, I digress on some facts that fit me. I don't find leisurely reading supermodel or paparazzi-type magazines such as, US or YM as a trigger for me. I do find solace in reading magazines like National Geographic and such. I embrace my body and my life for what it is. I don't look for reassurance in my size through certain magazines nor society. I understand that the younger youth may be influenced by their peers or their role models but I don't blame that ultimately. I tend to feel it has to do with emotional regulation and freedom of expression.

     An E.D. isn't about a certain size of a person. For me, it's about the lack of emotional freedom of expression. E.D. is an unrealistic sense of control in a life that's actually out of control. It's the delusional sense of control that leads to numbness and dissociative thoughts that 'feeds' an Eating disorder. I think that there were specific events that led to my eating disorder. I affirm that the major role in my life with an E.D., was the lack of emotional freedom and feeling of emotions. Those factors ultimately led to my eating disorder. Surprisingly, I felt validation and a sense of control when in the thralls of my eating disorder. An eating disorder made me feel numbed out to everyday life. It was an unconscious place to turn when things were disarray in my life.

    

     I have an urge to blame someone, something, an event, or a certain person that caused my E.D. I get angry and upset at times. But I just remind myself that I have the tools that I have learned throughout the years to not carry forth the deadly cycle. I have the tools to decide to survive or die. I have the tools to regret, remorse, or be free from it all. I have the power to live my everyday life free from E.D.