Life without ED?

Do you often wonder what your life would be like without unhealthy coping skills? I often wonder what my life would be without E.D. How would ours be different if we weren't consumed by the endless battle? What would your life be without your clutch?

The life I could imagine without E.D. is nearly impossible, but if I think long and hard, something comes up. My life wouldn't be consumed with thoughts of being fat. I would be able to enjoy the simple pleasures in life more. I would be more present instead of worrying about my past and future. I would not be such a perfectionist and wouldn't be tempted or haunted by mirrors or scales. My life wouldn't be revolved around food. The what and when I am going to eat my next meal wouldn't be there constantly. My life would not revolve around my clutch.

I often think about what I would do with all my extra time if E.D. wasn't engulfing me. I have to think long and hard to answer this question because the sick side of me says it is perfect the way it is. I am only fooling myself. First, I would have to address my past trauma and then live in the here and now. I could be more present in conversations, activities, and everyday life in the here and now. I would feel my emotions and be able to tolerate them better. The endless battle would not be there. I am not saying life would be perfect without E.D., but it would be a lot more lucid. I would not be consumed by an endless battle.

I think about my life and wonder what other doors would be open. What values would be more divergent? My family, friends, health, career, and memory would be different. Eventually, I want my own children in my life someday. I would love to nurture them and watch them grow up. Before I do that, I need to be recovered, freed from E.D. Each day seems less and less like a struggle. I believe that "I can do it," just like you. Do not give up on yourself, as I shall not either.

-A.N.T.