The innocence and purity of a child versus the young teen's perspective of themselves, can be so different. What is it that changes the mind in such a way? Is there a specific moment? When does the care-free spirit of a child develop into a perfect, good-looking teenager? When was it that you took a different perspective of yourself; the reflection mattered in the mirror the most to you? Who or what were your influences in your teenage years?
I can remember my life as a child as being carefree and free-spirited. I even believed money grew on trees and credit cards were instant cash for all purchases. Something changed. My thought process was different around the eighth grade for me. I lost a lot of people very dear to me including my Grammy, Pepere, and Uncle Leonard that year. Also, I started dabbling in the thought of becoming a woman and wanting to fit in with other peers. The reflection in the mirror started to talk back to me. I started to care about my looks and what I wore. I wanted to fit in.
At the time, I played ice hockey on an all-girls team and I yearned to play on the boy's high school hockey team, but I cared what others might think of me such as, "you are a man, you are a tom boy" I lived in fear that I would be subjected to bullying in high school. Eventually, I stopped playing ice hockey for many reasons, one being the urge to be more feminine. I took up cross country and track and field. I found another sport that I could excel in and even be praised for my talent. My body and shape turned into a mirage; a strive for perfection. I lost sight of the joy of running. The image in the mirror was never good enough. Eventually, it dictated my self-worth.
I began developing into a woman by my sophomore year of high school, aka puberty started. I did not know what was happening with my body or what it was going through in life. The changes to my body were so foreign. What I thought should be a good thing, turned into something that I hated. The mirror told me I was getting fatter, I was not pretty, and I was going to be slower as a runner. I strived for perfection and fought puberty with all my might. I did not understand that developing into a woman meant becoming a strong, healthy woman. I listened to the distorted reflection in the mirror.
Peer pressure, puberty, media, sibling rivalry, and parental guidance all influenced my self-reflection in the mirror. Ultimately, I struggled with wanting to fit-in but also to be the very best I could be. I strived for perfection. My mindset changed within myself for the worst. The reflection in the mirror became my worst enemy and best friend, all at the same time. What I thought was a friend, ended up becoming a contributing factor to struggling with an eating disorder. My self-worth began to be dictated by a distortion in the mirror that I believed.
Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who is the fairest of them all? What does your mirror say back to you? Do you talk back to the reflection while respecting yourself too? Understanding beauty comes with in and how you carry yourself is the only reflection that should matter to you. Understanding that no matter what age you are, our bodies are changing all the time. Media and society never should dictate our self-worth in everyday life. Embrace you. Be that care-free child and continue to love yourself in a nonjudgmental way because you are the fairest of them all.
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