Recently, I went to my Primary Care Provider (PCP) to get an annual physical. I always "face out" when I get one the scale so, I never know "the number." Despite "facing out." I never feel the same for the week. There are so many times I dictate my self-worth by a number. "Am I too fat? Am I not 'anorexic' enough? Maybe I'm not sick enough?" The mental demons succumb my mind and consume my everyday life. It's a cycle that is not easily broken.
I have to step back and ask myself, is there a magical number that I would be happy with at all? When I was my lowest of weight, I was not thin enough. When I am at my healthiest of weights, I am too fat. The answer is no! There is never a perfect number on the scale to E.D.!!! So, why is it that I self-consume myself around a number on a scale? Why is it that I dedicate my everyday thoughts for the week around the number I am? Maybe it's easier to focus on a number than to focus on the realities of everyday life. It's the struggle between reality and a number on the scale that keeps me feeling secure. I find solace in focusing on "how fat I am" rather than facing the woes of everyday life. I can wish to change my thoughts or do something about it such as reality checks. One technique I find helpful to me is:
STOP AND STEP BACK
DON'T ACT IMMEDIATELY or AUTOMATICALLY
PAUSE...
NOTICE YOUR BREATHE AS YOU BREATHE IN AND OUT
PICTURE THE STOP SIGN!
May we all find solace in our own bodies today!
-A.N.T.
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