"I deny myself everything I desire"

     I'm no expert nor a professional, but when it comes to dieting and weight loss, I stay clear. Even though it's part of my society, workplace, and everyday life. I'm happy with my size and shape that I've developed into as an healthy woman. I don't stop and stare at others and compare myself to the thin, wishing for the same. I embrace my womanhood. I embrace that every month "Aunt Flow" comes to visit me. She's a gift; a gift of life to me every month.

     "Part of disciplining the body is denial. We want but we dare not have. To lose weight or maintain our ideal bodies, we deny ourselves certain foods. We deny ourselves rest by working out. We deny ourselves peace of mind by remaining ever vigilant over our bodies. We withhold from ourselves until we achieve a goal and then we withhold from ourselves to maintain that goal. " 

     The key to my life is loving myself and my body. I respect it. I treat it with love as it does in return for me. When I'm hungry, I eat. Sometimes more than my body needs and sometimes less than what my body needs, but it's called body regulation. I trust in my body everyday. When I start to untrust myself and my body regulation, I take a step back and look into what's really going on in my life. 

     "Punishment is, in fact, one of the few things I allow myself."

      I lived that life of self-punishment. Where I blamed myself for all "the bad and evil" that happened to me. I trusted no one but my eating disorder (E.D.) I knew that my life was falling apart but I didn't care. I knew E.D. would protect me, so I thought. There was numerous times that I resorted to my "best friend" to guide me through the sea of waves of life. The adrenaline pumped when I had that false sense of a "high" in life. The feeling of being in control of things can be so deceiving when caught in a web of self-destruction. In the moment, it feels so good! The cycle can barely be broken at times. The blood rushes through your veins and you constantly seek the "high" to help numb you out. I'm escaping reality. I'm in turn ultimately continuously punishing myself from enjoying the enriches of life.

"I could not remember the last time I had allowed myself the simple pleasure of a painted fingernail."

     It was this very weekend that I pampered myself. I took the time with my girlfriend to enjoy the simple pleasures in life. I had let time pass by when I realized I had not "treated" myself to something pleasurable in a while. So, I got a pedicure. There's nothing better than getting my nails painted and my sore feet pampered. It felt great to acknowledge that I deserve and need self-pampering in my life too. So, today I move thru the maze of life with an head held high and proud. May today or this week you take the time to pamper yourself too. :)

**** Disclaimer ****

The following article can raise a lot of controversy and does deal with actual numbers. So please read at your own discretion.

Article that inspired today's blog entry

http://www.xojane.com/issues/my-body-is-wildly-undisciplined-and-i-deny-myself-nearly-everything-i-desire?wc=EAhuGwt+Ah0uABRuBwELCxcIUgoEFnA=