Stigma

What has kept me from sharing my road to recovery from everyone I meet? Part of it is the fear of being stigmatized for recovering from an Eating Disorder (E.D.) Ignorance can be bliss at times.

I remember it like yesterday. The feeling of being crazy and hopeless, barely escapes me. I was walking the halls of my own employment. I turned to talk to a doctor. In the back ground, I could not help but over hear other doctors talking loudly amongst themselves, "She's a patient of Dr. X. All her patients are crazy. They have no grip on life. I guess I will take her on." It was like a sucker punch to the gut at that moment. I am also a patient of Dr. X. I felt helpless and defenseless. I was recovery from an eating disorder and am I "crazy" too? The stigma of an eating disorder came to a screeching halt. The pre-judgement placed on this patient and Dr. X was unfair.

Hard Myths, Misconceptions, and Stigmas:
- It's a rich person disease.
- It's a woman's disease.
- Its all about body image, influenced by the media.
- It's a way to attention seek.
- It's a physical illness
- As long as a person is eating, they are recovered.
- Everyone with an eating disorder is anorexic.
- You'd know if someone had an eating disorder because they would be real thin.
- People with an eating disorder choose to have one and can "snap out of it."
- It's a diet and is primarily about food and weight.
- Recovery is impossible.

Today, I share this blog entry with the hopes to desensitize the stigma behind eating disorders. In turn, decrease the misconceptions, fears and myths about E.D. Again, I am not writing as a medical professional, but rather just your average woman, living life like any one of us. Please educate yourself before passing your judgements amongst society.

ALONE and ALIVE

(Written in 2004: Alone)

Alone

I've never experienced love.

I fear life and death, 

never knowing which is better.

The pain and suffering I've numbed

keeps catching up to me.

With not knowing where to turn

and what to say.

It's fear of life and death

that keeps me befuddled in clouds.

When ready to throw the towel,

and hit rock bottom,

fearing to live life of my own,

it's fear of death that stuns me.

To awake me to my present life. 

To feel my own breath and heart beating

as I ascend to the stars.

(Written in 2014: Alive)

Alive

I'm experiencing love.

I fear death, 

knowing it's inevitable.

The pain and suffering I'm dealing with

keeps me living life.

With not knowing where to turn

and what to say at times.

It's the thralls of E.D. (eating disorder)

that keeps me befuddled in the clouds.

With the towel, I wipe the beads of sweat from my face,

and climb up to the top.

Succeeding to live life on my own.

No longer does the thralls of E.D. stun me.

I'm alive and living my life. 

To feel my own breath and heart beating

as I ascend to the stars.