What does having a purpose mean to you?
Take a moment to reflect on your past year as I type this for you to consider.
Time has flown by, and I find myself at this point in my life despite the voices in my head, the devil lurking on my shoulder, and the weight of my past. I've learned valuable lessons from my mistakes and refuse to be trapped in a never-ending cycle. I continue to move forward with confidence and purpose.
If you are still reading, it's important to clarify that this differs from your typical year-in-review blog. Instead, it's about what you make of it.
I walk along the hidden shadows of the alleyway, wondering how I ended up here. I lost everything. I spent every last dollar from my bank accounts and was evicted from the sanctuary I once called home. Was it my fault? Who knows. But I realize that what I learned from those mistakes—and the unspoken truth—is that if none of this had happened, I wouldn't be exactly where I am now. The saying "everything happens for a reason" feels misleading. Okay, maybe not entirely.
What is having a purpose? Have you found your purpose amidst your life tribulations? In case you were wondering, I have yet to discover mine entirely. The future, present, and past pull me in all directions. The shadows I walk in fill my mind with empty thoughts and inhibit my full potential. But that is precisely what I am unsure of: life's purpose. Is there truly a purpose?
As the New Year approaches, I want to share my accomplishments and mistakes or focus on exploring my thoughts. I don't know. So, let me reflect on my year. I started the year with three surgeries, and I switched from Ozempic to Wegovy due to insurance coverage issues. I spent the year procrastinating on taking my board exam to become certified as a nurse practitioner, but I'm happy to say I passed the test this November. My love for my wife grew daily, and when the stress became too intense, we adopted a new puppy.
But who wants to hear only the good? I still struggle with my eating disorder and unhealthy coping mechanisms. I worry too much about everything, and my anxiety is constantly high. I stopped a medication on my own, which I do not recommend, and I realized that it's something I really need. That realization is frustrating in its own way. I've also noticed that when there's chaos around me, I tend to thrive on it even more; hence, the new puppy, Beans.
That's it in a nutshell. However, I still wonder what my purpose in life is, and I may never know. As I embark on a new journey next year, I hope for a future filled with love, joy, and happiness. Realistically, I will also learn from the mistakes that come with failure, but how else can I grow and face life? I understand that things can sometimes get overwhelming, but life is definitely too short, a lesson I've learned as I've grown older. I figure, what the heck—what do I have to lose? I am taking leaps and bounds forward.
The purpose in life is just as you are.
- A. N. T.
